I just remembered that my Morrowind hideout had a small collection of books in it, including this one.

:O I remember that book.

That was a good book, I couldn't put it down ^^

SteelWings said:
That was a good book, I couldn't put it down ^^

It was like, two pages...

Narji said:
Are you sure it is the Lusty Argonian Maid? Since even going through all the books in Morrowind it weren't in there, though it was in Oblivion.

yes, it was without a doubt in morrowind. That officer gives it to you, the same one that asks for a kiss, and to see you in the nude. He keeps calling you sweetie and pumpkin regardless of your gender.

I love that his bizarre quests were part of the main series <3

You know, his expression makes me think the book turned out to be nightmare fuel of some sort after the first two pages...

'Its a pretty big spear, itll take you all night to polish it'

funny thing is in Skyrim they plan to introduce the ability to marry NPC in the game, of any gender or species

Cyborgcat said:
funny thing is in Skyrim they plan to introduce the ability to marry NPC in the game, of any gender or species

It's too late for that. Ahnassi was back in TES III. Being able to marry her... man, I'd never stop playing it

Cheets said:
It's too late for that. Ahnassi was back in TES III. Being able to marry her... man, I'd never stop playing it

At least you got to be her "very special friend".

Anyone who play an argonian should... MUST have one of these on them at all times.

Cheets said:
yes, it was without a doubt in morrowind. That officer gives it to you, the same one that asks for a kiss, and to see you in the nude. He keeps calling you sweetie and pumpkin regardless of your gender.

I love that his bizarre quests were part of the main series <3

Must be a mod then since the only thing I got from him is basically orders, never got an item from him. (And I got the original to the Digital copies of the game)

Narji said:
Must be a mod then since the only thing I got from him is basically orders, never got an item from him. (And I got the original to the Digital copies of the game)

I'm certain it's in the unmodded version since I only ever played Morrowind on the Xbox

oh yeah baby, fus-ro-dah.

You don't actually receive it from Crassius, he's simply the author. You get it while doing the theater assassin mission in the Tribunal Expansion.

No, it is the vanilla Morrowind. It is just a side quest in Vivec's Foreign Quarter. And the book you get in the Theater Assassin quest is "The Horror of Castle Xyr." I am a total Morrowind nerd, so yeah.

Wahai said:
At least you got to be her "very special friend".

Hell, I'd rather be that than married to her. I'm sure anybody would.

pretty much my expression when i found this book...........it now sits next to "poison song"

SapperDragon said:
Anyone who play an argonian should... MUST have one of these on them at all times.

Done and done.

"This page! This page!! All these pages...!!!"

it is in oblivion because i read that book and THE ONLY ONE i have EVER played is oblivion

Only one hand is visible. The other hand is obviously busy dual-wielding The Real Barenziah, Daggerfall edition.

I still can't find that damn book.

In Skyrim, try the console command:
help "Lusty" 0

It'll return:
BOOK: (0001ACEF) 'The Lusty Argonian Maid, v1'
BOOK: (000F699D) 'The Lusty Argonian Maid, v2'

Those are base IDs so there is no guarantee the books can be found in game. I verified I could spawn both books but only read the first to confirm it was the same. I hope to find the second in-game before reading it.

I found both books in the whore house in riften by the bed in the back room. The second volume is better than the first.

Shinokorosha said:
I found both books in the whore house in riften by the bed in the back room. The second volume is better than the first.

Agreed. Some guys at Bethesda must have had a good time writing those.

"Fus-Ro-Daaaaaaaamn"

His face is epic

v1 and v2 proudly sit on my bedside table in Breezehome. Okay maybe not so proudly, but they're there!

Shinokorosha said:
I found both books in the whore house in riften by the bed in the back room. The second volume is better than the first.

There's a whorehouse in Riften? How the hell'd I miss that?? Too distracted by rushing through thief's guild quests maybe.

Whatbigteeth said:
v1 and v2 proudly sit on my bedside table in Breezehome.

There's a v2?!
zOMG I need to find it.
I was amused that it was in Skyrim too. It's survived the ages~ XD

Cyborgcat said:
funny thing is in Skyrim they plan to introduce the ability to marry NPC in the game, of any gender or species

If only that was true. I looked up the entire list of marryable NPCs cause I wanted a Kahjit or Argonian spouse, but you can't marry a kitty... DX

I just thought of something! what if the look on his face is like that because he just relized he can't read!

I found the second book in the Dawnguard DLC. I just had to take it.

The text from the book, along with all locations of the book in all games:
http://elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/The_Lusty_Argonian_Maid

Art by ShwigityShwonShwei

Queen_Tyr'ahnee said:
I found the second book in the Dawnguard DLC. I just had to take it.

The second book is available in the standard edition of skyrim, but it is really hard to find. I only ever found one copy of it.

Robinebra said:
The second book is available in the standard edition of skyrim, but it is really hard to find. I only ever found one copy of it.

Actually, I only always find vol., but never vol.1.

ippiki_ookami said:
It was like, two pages...

That's one and a half more than I need...

Volume 1 is definitely in Riften. If you do the Thieves Guild side story (the one where the leader betrays the rest of the Guild), it's in the basement of that guy's house, on the table, next to his evil plans.

The Elder Scrolls always makes me laugh with the books, you'll always find something funny hidden in the books.

This reminds me of a picture involving the Sisters of Battle. From Warhammer 40K.

eh... still a better love story then Twilight

I was honestly questioning if this book actually was in the game
Thanks google

10/10 book, would read again. i still remember that when i first time found this book from that house that was crushed by a tree.

SapperDragon said:
Anyone who play an argonian should... MUST have one of these on them at all times.

I always do.

There's a huge pile of these in one of Skyrim's dungeons... seriously, there's like three of four dozen of nothing but the Lusty Argonian Maid.

SapperDragon said:
Anyone who play an argonian should... MUST have one of these on them at all times.

Ok so it wasn't weird that I carried this book around with me then.

Guys... Just go to Helgea's Bunkhouse...the slut has both volumes on the nightstand to the left of her bed, as well as the oneofakind Falmer Blood Elixir/Potion that Bynjolf was pitching at the start of the Thieves Guild questline.

Hey guys, Dawnguard DLC adds the Sultry Argonian Bard book. XD

Kaik said:
You know, his expression makes me think the book turned out to be nightmare fuel of some sort after the first two pages...

Or maybe he was unlucky (or lucky) enough to find the complete version

XD I remember when I found this, you know just searchin for chillrend then you know across from the weapon case was a shelf FULL of weird books :D

*fapong intensifes*

ippiki_ookami said:
It was like, two pages...

All the others were stuck together.

Cyborgcat said:
funny thing is in Skyrim they plan to introduce the ability to marry NPC in the game, of any gender or species

Sadly I ain't found a male or female khajiit

Jackonian said:
All the others were stuck together.

Dude/tte I like your Avatar

Pure. Gold. Brand.
Goldbrand is a weapon in elder scrolls lore

It was a good read, 10/10, I liked the flow and the extreme length of the book and the almost poetic word play in it (Sarcasm just incase you didn't know).

Who else horded all of these books on skyrim and oblivion

This was the first book I read in skyrim! XD

It was also the first book I read, ever. Real life included! :P

I walked into a house and when I first saw this book I was like
What... the... fuck?
*picks up book*
Oh, I see mmh hmm... I need to find the other volumes of this book!

New avatar

is there more than 2 books? i never found anymore. the last book i found had the "spear, in her oven" kinda things.

Wait that's a thing in the game?!??!!!?!

the Trilogy

While this book had some lewd and risque themes, this is one of the best literature of all time. You could see how well put together the acts were placed and the characters were so incredibly well written. The settings are gorgeous in detail and the jokes were on point to the where it can potentially be "memeable". The only complaint I have is that apparently, I can only find about three books of this mastery of literature. If the author could mass produce the rest of the acts and possibly put them into a play, they will be highly rewarded.

I give these volumes a great big 5 star rating, anyway. Hell, if I could, I would give them a very good 6-star as well.

This has been TheCuriousities (spelled incorrectly) reviews books. Thank you, and good night.

I guess we have to thank Crassius Curio since without his book, This iconic image would’t exist

The real horror is that there's nothing there.

Oh, someone just find out, that his in to the very naughty things? Welcome land-strider, to a new world. :D

"Ah, a new book to add to the collection. Let's just see what it..."
...
...
"B-BY TALOS..."

It's just perfect!