I know this really isn't the place to be asking this kind of question, but I just thought I'd ask because, idk, I feel like people here are more accepting of their sexuality and don't judge themselves or others as harshly?
Anyways, I’m grossed out by the act of sex and sexual body parts, but I still have a desire for sex. I still get turned on by looking at sexual things (mostly female/male porn, but some male/male porn also), but I feel gross about being turned on by it. I get sexual thoughts and urges, but I feel disgusted by them, especially when it's more taboo, extreme, or "out-there" I guess. Indulging in pleasure feels selfish, like I don’t deserve it. I don’t give myself permission to feel what I feel or have the thoughts and fantasies that I have without hating myself for it. I don’t give myself permission to feel pleasure because it feels like I’m lowering myself to a dirty, primitive way of being and acting, like I feel like I turn into a different person or a sex-obsessed animal. Ironicallly, I feel disgust and arousal at the thought acting like or being a dirty animal, and I think that's why I like furry porn in the first place.
I'm curious to see other peoples thoughts about this, or their own sexuality for that matter. Have you ever felt guilt and shame about your sexuality? About what gets you off? About liking furry porn? Do you ever feel gross for it? If you have, how did you get through it? Would you have any advice for myself or anyone else who feels similarly?
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