I've been single my whole life and I wouldn't have it any other way as I've always been a loner, prefering solitude over companionship. Relationships just never appealed to me nor are they something that I've ever desired or felt like I needed, I've heard countless times that relationships are the key to true happiness but I'm more than capable of being happy by myself.
I get happiness from activities such as gaming, listening to music, browsing furry art, making OCs, and outdoor activities like going for walks and bike rides.
But the thing that gives me the most happiness is just having the freedom to live on my own terms and go my own way and to me, nothing compares to that and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Unfortunately, our society tends to put relationships on a pedistal and make them out to be the most important thing ever while acting like being single is the worst thing that can happen to someone.

I made this post because this is something that's been on my mind lately and I'd like to know where you guys stand on this, do you think getting in a relationship should be everyone's life goal or should people be free to live on their own terms like how I've chosen to?

You might like to read this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_orientation#Aromanticism

Also of interest:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

In short, you're not alone in not wanting relationships, and even if you were it wouldn't be wrong. Find happiness how you like. You don't need to find it in another person.

Dusk_To_Dawn said:
Unfortunately, our society tends to put relationships on a pedistal and make them out to be the most important thing ever while acting like being single is the worst thing that can happen to someone.

Oh, absolutely. Western culture tends to push one type of romance on everyone, especially in movies which almost always have compulsory romance subplots no matter the genre. Personally, I can't stand those subplots, they bore me to death.

People can have relationships without romance, or just not be interested in relationships at all. Neither are uncommon, the mainstream just makes it seem so. I'm somewhat familiar with the goth and geek cultures, and have noticed that both have unique views on what is 'romantic' and what a good relationship is like. But that's not something you see in movies or TV.

Yes, you are evil itself! /S!

100%. You gotta do what makes you happy. We don't need romantic relationships to live long and happy lives Just like we don't need to reproduce to be satisfied with life.

Just make sure that you don't reject anything out of turn just because... well, it's how you are. As we go through life, we change. Maybe one day you'll want a partner. Or maybe one day you'll find someone who loves the same things you do. Who knows. Life is weird, and I see too many people reject options just because they've previously said that it doesn't apply to them. Be aware of who you are. Be aware of what is actually making you happy.

(This is advice I give to people who want relationships too--I think a lot of people chase after the idea of LOVE without ever realizing that relationships are exhausting and unpleasant for them. *shrug*

If it's wrong, I don't want to be right. Relationships have done nothing but drain me of my happiness and energy over the years, so I can easily see myself go through life without a marriage or even a lasting relationship with someone.

So to answer your question, it doesn't matter what's "wrong" or "right," but what's best for you.

I strongly relate to your situation on this topic, being no stranger to the pleasures of solitude. Admittedly, I'm a somewhat selfish and pessimistic individual, so there's a strong chance my own outlook on life has prevented any real relationships with people. However, I've always thought that since you have to live your life, it's important to do what makes you happy above all else. If you're not making your own decisions as to what direction your life goes in then what's the point? Unless you happen across someone who you enjoy spending time with and both feel that you would want to be together until the day you die, then I'd say don't worry about it. Certainly don't think that it's immoral or that it makes you're existence somehow less valid if you're not in a relationship. As this certainly isn't true.

Clawdragons said:
You might like to read this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_orientation#Aromanticism

Also of interest:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

In short, you're not alone in not wanting relationships, and even if you were it wouldn't be wrong. Find happiness how you like. You don't need to find it in another person.

Interesting read, I can't say that I've ever heard of aromanticism, but I suppose it's possible that it could apply to me. As for asexuality, I've often suspected that I could be asexual because as with relationships, sex isn't something that I've ever desired.
But the thing is, while I don't desire sex in real life, I still enjoy the idea of it, I enjoy porn and sometimes have sexual fantasies and things are very much the same in regards to romance, I like the idea of it but it's not something I desire in real life.
So this makes me wonder, do those terms apply to me, or is my disinterest in sex and romance just that, simple disinterest and nothing more?

Dusk_To_Dawn said:
Interesting read, I can't say that I've ever heard of aromanticism, but I suppose it's possible that it could apply to me. As for asexuality, I've often suspected that I could be asexual because as with relationships, sex isn't something that I've ever desired.
But the thing is, while I don't desire sex in real life, I still enjoy the idea of it, I enjoy porn and sometimes have sexual fantasies and things are very much the same in regards to romance, I like the idea of it but it's not something I desire in real life.
So this makes me wonder, do those terms apply to me, or is my disinterest in sex and romance just that, simple disinterest and nothing more?

For the asexuality part, you may be closer to an Autochorissexual then, at least somewhat. It's more of a disconnect between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal. If your desires of sex involves the idea in of itself or the fantasies around it rather than you actually getting it on on being a part of such thing this may be closer to what you are feeling.

The wiki page for it: http://asexuals.wikia.com/wiki/Autochorissexual

I also have a small report by Anthony F. Bogaert that goes into a little more detail of it if you'd like me to send it over.

But, whatever you may be in the end, you are certainly not alone. Many people feel the way you do, asexual or not. So long as you are happy!

Dusk_To_Dawn said:
Interesting read, I can't say that I've ever heard of aromanticism, but I suppose it's possible that it could apply to me. As for asexuality, I've often suspected that I could be asexual because as with relationships, sex isn't something that I've ever desired.
But the thing is, while I don't desire sex in real life, I still enjoy the idea of it, I enjoy porn and sometimes have sexual fantasies and things are very much the same in regards to romance, I like the idea of it but it's not something I desire in real life.
So this makes me wonder, do those terms apply to me, or is my disinterest in sex and romance just that, simple disinterest and nothing more?

Sexual orientation has multiple aspects to it.

Romantic orientation is one aspect, and that's the aspect we're mostly addressing here.

There's also sexual preference - who we would prefer to have sex with, given the opportunity. There's sexual behavior - what sort of sex we've actually engaged in. There's fantasy - what we like to think about. There's physical attraction - who we find sexually appealing. And some other various elements besides.

These things often go together, but not always. They can also change over time.

Point being, it is possible to be "asexual" in the sense of not wanting to have sex with another person, and not wanting to have relationships with them, while still enjoying pornography, masturbation, fantasy, and so on.

In the end it's mostly a label, and categorizing yourself... I won't say that it's unimportant, but it is far less important in many ways than people tend to feel - you feel how you do, and you don't need to shove yourself in a neat little box with a label on it.

Whatever makes you happy i guess. Just make sure that you have enough money for the retirement home or to pay someone to take care of you in your old age.

Dusk_To_Dawn said:

So this makes me wonder, do those terms apply to me, or is my disinterest in sex and romance just that, simple disinterest and nothing more?

I'm no expert, but I will say this: being asexual doesn't mean that you don't have sexual desire. Some asexual people will happily masturbate, but have no interest in experiencing sexual interaction with other people.

Over all, if you look at sexuality as a scale from, say... red to blue... asexuality is off to the side where things are turning into shades of white and gray. You can still think peopel are pretty--or not. You can still recognize attractiveness, you just don't want to... DO... something to it.

Some people are only interested in being sexually active with people they are emotionally close to. There's a H-U-G-E spectrum of ways you can be a sexual and non-sexual being.

Like Claw said, it's mostly a lable, and you don't NEED to put a label on your box.... but it certainly can be comforting to know that the label you put on your box is a label that is on other boxes too. Especially if you're (no offense) posting on a porny website asking if it's okay to not want a relationship :)

Lemme slap out some more links for you. It's important to keep in mind that generally speaking? Most people can't imagine not wanting sex. So it's only been VERY recently that people have started to acknowledge that this is 'a thing' and research about it is a growing topic. This is important because what you learn today might shift over the coming years, and that's okay. We are fluid beings. It's okay to change.

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/19/asexual-spectrum_n_3428710.html <--this URL has a fancy chart on it. I like charts. It's on huffpost. Some people may not like huffpost, and that's okay. I'm not asking you to take the latest breaking news from there. Just look at this article, which seems to be part of a series on asexuality. I don't know if it's a good series, but I like this chart.

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/ <-- this is a really big FAQ I 100% recommend reading this page.

The internet has a lot of resources about asexuality. Try to avoid the ones telling you that asexuality is fake, because it isn't. We are fluid. And jsut because one sebsite says that asexuality is one way, doesn't mean that everyoen agrees. this is a big weird world we're exploring. Find what fits YOU, not what OTHER peopel say fits you.

Dusk_To_Dawn said:
But the thing is, while I don't desire sex in real life, I still enjoy the idea of it, I enjoy porn and sometimes have sexual fantasies and things are very much the same in regards to romance, I like the idea of it but it's not something I desire in real life.

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but what you have written here describes my personal feeling exactly. And I know quite a few others who feel the same way :)

Haljkljavahlibrz said:
Whatever makes you happy i guess. Just make sure that you have enough money for the retirement home or to pay someone to take care of you in your old age.

Gosh that's really negative. This is something I've had directed at me for years and it never stops being grating, tbh.

Haljkljavahlibrz said:
Whatever makes you happy i guess. Just make sure that you have enough money for the retirement home or to pay someone to take care of you in your old age.

Not only is that negative, it kinda really is degrading towards the supposed special people in your life. I mean, my spouse is my spouse because of love them, and want to be with them, not for the end-of-life-benefits. :/

Haljkljavahlibrz said:
Whatever makes you happy i guess. Just make sure that you have enough money for the retirement home or to pay someone to take care of you in your old age.

Not only is it negative, and degrading, it's also wrong.

If you're talking having your spouse take care of you... There's equal chances you'll end up taking care of them. If you're talking children, it's even more wrong because you put more money into them than you ever can expect to get back in end-of-life care.

I didn't mean anything wrong with the statement. I think that happiness is equally important as financial stability.

Over where i come from we have a saying "you can't live off love alone".

What i wanted to say is ultimately that living alone is harder than living with someone regardless of love involved.

I should also warn you that i have a comparatively grimm outlook on love (i view "romantic love" as a biochemical device to facilitate reproduction) and find only those relationships that are "built" over the years really worthy.

Haljkljavahlibrz said:
I should also warn you that i have a comparatively grimm outlook on love (i view "romantic love" as a biochemical device to facilitate reproduction) and find only those relationships that are "built" over the years really worthy.

You might as well say that the enjoyment you get out of eating good food is a biological imperative that functions so as to trick you into staying alive long enough to reproduce. Every desire can be boiled down to that. However, it doesn't invalidate any of them at the end of the day. We're not machines.

Fenrick said:
You might as well say that the enjoyment you get out of eating good food is a biological imperative that functions so as to trick you into staying alive long enough to reproduce. Every desire can be boiled down to that. However, it doesn't invalidate any of them at the end of the day. We're not machines.

But it does point us to recognize and control these impulses if we want to be more than "machines". Romantic love serves a short-term purpose, but just it by itself is not enough to form stable relationship.

A scientific study has shown that in the absence of deeper interests between two partners, any prolonged relationship is needles torture and will fizzle out in 4-6 years.

Ofc you could also have a bing of lovers, but i think that thst too will leave you feeling empty in the long term.

But to directly adress DtD's question, no there's essentially nothing wrong with being self-sufficient. In fact, my current lifestyle is quite similar to yours. Though i wouldn't mind a significant other with whom i'd occasionally do stuff and have "coupl time" (and otherwise leave to her own devices in our homo or wherever), i would be perfectly content to live my life romantically alone (provided ofc i have enough money not to die in some moldy retirement home or in a gutter somewhere).

Also, by "someone to take care of you" i meant a medical nurse or a professional caretaker, not your spouse or offspring.

I checked out the links that were posted and found them pretty interesting, I always thought that asexual meant having no sexuality to speak of but it looks like that's not necessarily the case. I found that bit about autochorissexual interesting as well, that description fits me pretty well, so I might look into this at some point.

I also looked over all the replies and it looks like people here feel more or less the same way I do, that you should live your life however you choose and as long as you're happy, it shouldn't matter what others think, it's good to know that I'm not alone in this. Anyway, to everyone who replied, thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it. :)

It's whatever keeps your boat afloat, I guess. Nowadays the social quo says that in order to be successful, one has to be in a relationship by 34 or whatnot. But what do they really know? If you're an adult, you make your own decisions. Advice is good, but it's all on what path you wish to go down. There's no perfect direction, as each has its own perils and strife. But its whatever direction that makes you happy and brings you the satisfaction what matters.

I choose to be single because the road is always open, with nothing to hold me down or back. I can keep moving restriction free. The downside of it is, there's no one in the corner if I get sick or in a serious jam. It's all on me to back on route. But I'm adaptable.

Clawdragons said:
In the end it's mostly a label, and categorizing yourself... I won't say that it's unimportant, but it is far less important in many ways than people tend to feel - you feel how you do, and you don't need to shove yourself in a neat little box with a label on it.

Well, it's less about labels and "putting yourself in a box" than it is about validation. Having an actual word to accurately describe one's sexuality makes things easier than trying to describe it and introspect into one's own psychology.

For instance, my sexuality is something like this: I can be attracted to people but it seems like once they like me back, the feelings fade and then sex with them isn't pleasurable, I've been in three relationships and the same thing happened each time, so I prefer not being in a relationship; I'm also in-love with myself and take immense pleasure in masturbation (masturbation) / blowing (autofellatio) / toying (dildo) myself and in looking at porn with dicks in it, male or intersex, particularly the girly ones. The buff ones are also nice, within certain limits. Sometimes females are nice, too, again within certain limits. So at that, I enjoy square_crossover and selfcest as well.

'Akoisexual' and 'autosexual' come somewhere close to describing that, so IMO it would be easier to say "I'm asexual, specifically somewhere between an akoisexual and an autosexual".

Thoughts?

hungryman said:
Well, it's less about labels and "putting yourself in a box" than it is about validation. Having an actual word to accurately describe one's sexuality makes things easier than trying to describe it and introspect into one's own psychology.

That's more or less why I said it's important, but not as important as some people seem to think. These were two of the reasons I probably would have mentioned if I hadn't gotten lazy.

hungryman said:
Thoughts?

I totally get what you're saying and I agree.

It's just so much easier for me to have a word to use, a label, to describe something that is fairly complicated. It doesn't have to fit exactly either, it just helps to give other people the gist of what you mean.

some seek solitude while others draw strength from loved ones. I don't believe there is one true path to happiness. There are however many paths one can take to find understanding, compassion and self worth.

I have been alone for to long and have at this point spent years building my body and mind into what I wanted, now that I have the body that I wanted I feel it would be good to have a lover to walk this path with me....I have so much love to give and wisdom to dispense. At the end of the day though in all honesty I hate sleeping alone.

Ive been alone for years my last gf cheated on me but i hope to find the right one hopefully soon

No it's not wrong. I don't have a partner either but I also grew up with my mother being a single parent (she always talked negative about her former relationship with my father for years so it stuck with me) and what I have seen from former school mates makes me not want to have a partner ever (two relationships already divorced and one still active just because they have a child together but he hurts his girl and is totally annoyed by her).

If I want to have sex I'll just get a hooker.

haljkljavahlibrz said:
Over where i come from we have a saying "you can't live off love alone".

"Love" is not worth spending money on, and real love doesn't need it. I will do things for you, bend over backwards for you even, but if my employment status/financial assets changing is what causes you throw out "Death due us part" and commitment out the window, you are a sociopath and/or a liar.

Love isn't conditional.

Love also seems incapable of resting in peace. :p

I'll neither say you're wrong nor you're right. We live life. There are always restrictions. There are always opinions. and there are "never" rights and wrongs. Only pseudo rights and pseudo wrongs, at least for us humans with their restricted capabilities and knowledge.
I'm not implying anything with former. That's something I accept as fact but I also won't deny that I have a religious background.
However I also won't go much further and just add that maybe a time will come where it will be clear which path/s were the right ones.

Live your life the way you deem as right!

agiant said:
I'll neither say you're wrong nor you're right. We live life. There are always restrictions. There are always opinions. and there are "never" rights and wrongs. Only pseudo rights and pseudo wrongs, at least for us humans with their restricted capabilities and knowledge.
I'm not implying anything with former. That's something I accept as fact but I also won't deny that I have a religious background.
However I also won't go much further and just add that maybe a time will come where it will be clear which path/s were the right ones.

Live your life the way you deem as right!

Thing is, most people confuse wanting love with wanting a relationship and/or comfort. They are not the same thing, and is the reason why people keep saying "Love is Conditional".

No, relationships are conditional. Love actually has nothing to do with relationships or conditions. If you love someone, genuinely, you would want an intimate relationship to make Them, not you, happy. Love is completely selfless.

An example of this is doing something for someone, expecting NOTHING in return.

Dont know why this is getting resurrected but. Love is absolutely conditional.

Things like abuse. Attempted murder. Heck even tiny things can make love. Even true genuine love. Disappear.

demesejha said:
Dont know why this is getting resurrected but. Love is absolutely conditional.

Things like abuse. Attempted murder. Heck even tiny things can make love. Even true genuine love. Disappear.

You are confusing the definition of permanent with unconditional. Love doesn't need a reason to exist, and it doesn't last forever. Death guarantees this, although you can still love someone and move on from them.

When you actually love someone and you break up with them, It takes awhile to move on. This is because true love cannot be turned off like a flashlight because it is unconditional.

For me, it depends on how much I(You) can tolerate others in the first place, and how much I(You) can love myself(yourself), ...For me.

Well, guess I have this idea because I grew up with Nothing but Negativity from All kinds of people, ( ← My father died before I ever knew his love , though. )

So I have struggled with loving someone (or even myself) and the reason for my life.
Maybe that's why I still don't understand what love and relationships are well.

But I am thankful that it has allowed me to have my own thoughts.
Yeah, let me just say I didn't want to do anything with people who only complained without understanding or caring for others, in my business and my life.
(( Because whenever I see someone like that, I feel as if I dislike the existence of other human. ))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWNiVawd6Nk