OCTOBER HORROR 2017 - Sssssss

“You see, the venom of the cobra is one of nature’s strongest hallucinogens!”

I’ll be honest, I went for this purely for the title. Seriously, who thought it was a wise decision to name your movie “Sssssss”? No matter the situation you will sound like a fool. How would you be able to ask for this movie? Just walk up to someone and say, “I’d like to buy this copy of Sssssss”? You can’t even bring it up in casual conversation, or in my case a review, otherwise every minute or so I’ll have say the title and end up sounding like I’m trying to do a poor snake impression.

Funny title aside, you’d also think that this movie would be a cheesy shlock film about killer snakes, at least I did when I heard about it. Reading this you may think I’m about to reveal that, much like “Death Bed”, that the movie is pretty artistic with just a couple goofy moments. However the reality is much worse: this movie is boring. I don’t care if I’m spoiling it, but this movie has a man transforming into a half-man-half-snake creature, and still it is so boring. I was so bored by the movie that I just began writing my movie before I even got to the snake-man, and even then when I eventually reached the snake-man was I still unimpressed. This movie even has Reb “screaming and explosions” Brown, and although at times he saves this movie, it isn’t enough to keep this movie from being so boring.

Well, here it goes.

David is a college student who gets hired as a lab assistant for Dr. Stoner, a man who researches and collects snakes with the help of his daughter. Stoner convinces David to take some shots as a way to prepare himself for any bites from the snakes, but he feels as if something in him is starting to change. He suffers from bizarre dreams, his old skin molts, and he begins to change ever so slightly. Stoner keeps convincing David that the symptoms don’t mean anything aside from what’s promised, but David slowly starts to suspect something more, especially as he comes across a circus and meets what many call… the snake-man.

This is a very slow movie. The story moves at a snail’s pace, and you could predict what’s going to happen pretty much a mile ahead before the movie gets to it. It’s so slow that any build-up, mystery, or horror has already died down by the time the movie reaches a plot-point. You’ll eventually end up looking over anything else to pass the time, and that’s not good for a movie that’s trying to keep you invested into David’s transformation, if it eventually gets there.

The human characters are ok, but there’s a lot of talking going on with little substance. You don’t care for it, and that only adds to how little less you actually care for the story. The only human character I can end up liking is Reb Brown, but that’s only because I’ve seen in him wilder, more ridiculous movies where’s gunning and screaming all the time. He does a bit of over-acting and screaming in this movie, and that can at times help to regain your interest, but it’s not enough. The only characters I actually end up liking are the snakes, but that’s only because I find them to be rather adorable. When I start sympathizing with snakes than the actual characters, you’ve really failed.

The snake man looks pretty dumb, but not enough that’s it’s laughable or memorable. Everything about this movie just transforms everything into a boring crawl. You’d think the snake man would be worth a laugh, but it’s shot with such a dull mood that it’s not surprising, shocking, or hilarious. In the end I just don’t care for this movie. I’m honestly asking if whether it’s worse to be bad and annoying like “Smiley”, or as boring and slow as this movie.

Although the film would win a nomination for Best Science Fiction Film by the “Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films” at the time of its release, the movie would only win back just $1m against a $1.03m budget. Reviews were negative, with many complaining that the movie had an incredibly slow pace that would frustrate most viewers.

This is probably my laziest review, but that’s because I can’t bring up the enthusiasm to even talk about this movie. It’s so dull and so sleep-inducing that all I can really muster is: just don’t see it. If you want a good snake movie, just watch Anaconda.